my sunflower—55 words for love

my sunflower

my weakness

he’s been hiding from her name and all the symbols and the paltry handful of pictures that I can't rid his consciousness of

he can black the memories or blind himself with newness

but they are still living

her roots are rhizomes that bury, and are buried, shuffled over, and scattered in the ashes of potential that their love could have grown in

but she didn't love him, not that way

so she grew, like the lone sunflower who knows it will be many blooms disguised as one, and each flower itself, together

Fibonacci watched over and equations could act sensical, but he picked each petal, 55 words that he wish he said, but was instead… himself, in those moments.

care

respect

freedom

release

warmth

future

held

pleasure

death

health

laughter

visions

joy

seasons

creation

close

religion

scripture

friend

forever

full

unconditional

surrender

home

breath

silence

peace

beauty

perfection

feeling

everything

soft

strong

forgiving

fierce

special

one

the

person

mine

yours

us

blossom

sweet

spicy

delicious

tender

painful

breathless

choking

tears

ties

wanting

needing

time-traveler

these were one to him. he felt one is enough.

and today, he could come up with, reminisce, and invent hundreds more words and reasons and fantasies, sums of what is and what was; but the only one that mattered,

the only one he couldn't have

always out of sequence

56. trust

———

I think the one you wanted was the feeling that you could do anything and keep me. but that meant you had to concoct a torture-test. and did. unconscious.

when all the subconscious could do was scare us apart, chew on itself. show as sins, convince… lust: gnawing, breaking bloody, savages, inner, deeper. to love’s entrails.

devour, devour, until the canibal inside was empty like a prophecy

afraid of love

afraid of uncertain

afraid

of...

fear

our cycle

infinite

🌻