hi.

i want to reveal my most pathetic self, someone to find it, yet never know it is me. peek at vulnerability, believe i am the best and worst you’ve seen.

remember: all of that still isn’t me.

can i be anonymous? authentically. did you really think you knew me? get to know me, without knowing it is me.

forget: if i am capable of sharing bliss, i could just as quickly—fallen—become your next regret.

why do you get to see this? how did you find it? maybe it wanted you. yes… you. to see the ugly unattractive bits, and love it even more. love that disgust. savor a decaying ego. the rotten stench of a soul carving from the inside, craving the outside, to see, to be free. watch the broken reflection poke around in self inflicted wounds, bleed, feel repulsed that you want to lick that gushing truth. sights we can’t avoid. hate that you love it… too

do i love? you? love how love makes me self destruct. anticipation obsession passion confession rejection aggression depression. an ending. does the story make it love…

indulge. i am the culmination of too much. push. how many buttons separate love and lust?

some things, afraid, we cannot look away.

is that something i could share?

i’ve already said too much. too early. i’ll never know enough. i’ll never know to stop. tell myself again. slap my head. stupid you.

maybe just with you.

i want that image to haunt the blankness of the moments we hide from. i want just one person to feel the disease, like i do, and say yes i’m hiding too. i hide until tomorrow, always. do your fears define you… too?

i want i want i want. and all i really want is for our want to be the same.

what a stupid thing for us humans to do.

to be cryptic. to test. to step a foot, float past ravine’s ledge. hot. knowing this message could not be taken back.

remembering a date they didn’t know they might have made. prophecies. one year from then, now.

meet me at the top.

overlooking the world.

i’ll be at the peak with the sun the same.

wondering if anyone else is higher than you.

home is meant to be.

maybe. Monday.

we’ll find it there together.